1
Don’t begin by thinking, “I am about to eat alone” or worse, “What am I going to eat all by myself?” Thoughts like these don’t sit well with any meal, nor do they inspire creative cooking. Instead, if you are alone or expect to be alone for an evening, don’t think about dinner at all. Wait for the moment when hunger strikes you; when your tongue, belly and mind utter in unison their shared desires. Eat a bowl of Butter Brickle ice cream while watching old episodes of 90210: You’ll forget about how broke you are, and that your parents’ sofa moved across the country, Eat scrambled eggs: But remember to cook them with sweet unsalted butter if you want them to heat evenly. Eggs are good with a glass of simple wine, or some bread, or over greens, but not alone. Eggs when you’re alone are no good if they’re alone, Order a pizza: Do it because you watched a man walk home in the rain carrying one of his own and you’ll feel that you have company, and that you understand what it means to be a New Yorker.
After a handful of these pleasantly awkward evenings you will start to develop a taste for solo dining. You will realize that, in fact, You are your favorite person to sup. Once you and You break the ice, a very romantic relationship will develop in your apartment.
2
Start setting the table, or, even more intimate, a tray in the bedroom. Like many first dates you’ve gone on, you’ll probably eat lightly at first, a little nervously. Assemble an attractive Mezze plate, that’s sure to impress. Assort some olives in a bowl, nestle a dish of hummus beside a dish of French olive oil and a dish of zatar. Cut up a hard boil egg. Rip a corner off the Ciabatta. Bring out all the condiments with little spoons and forks and cheese knives. You wants cheese.
After having Mezze three times in a row you’ll get bored. You will say, “Let’s have more fun.” Pick out one of your cookbooks. Get your dad to buy you a subscription to Cooks Illustrated. Read all of Mark Bittman’s articles in the Times and bookmark one entitled, 101 Simple Summer Salads.
3
Finally, discover M.F.K Fisher and buy all her books on Amazon. Find, in a chapter called ‘A is for Dining Alone,’ this sentence:
Snug misanthropic solitude is better than hit-or-miss congeniality
and feel your life has changed. Realize you have a great interested in how people eat, and why the hell not? Stay up reading The Gastronomical Me and forget to eat dinner.
During this honeymoon period experiment a lot. Practice making Fettucini from scratch after nana sends you a pasta wheel. Make risotto with Arborio rice and then, in the throes of a curious hysteria, make it again with Carnaroli rice. Realize your kitchen skin is browning, and feel proud.
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RISOTTO MILANESE
bring 3 cups of chicken broth and 1 cup of water to simmer, and keep at a bare simmer… Finely chop an onion and cook in 2 tablespoons of unsalted butter over moderate heat, until soft… Add 1.5 cups of rice (Arborio or Carnaroli) and stir until translucent… add 1 glass of dry white wine and stir until absorbed… spoon in 1 cup of broth, stir until absorbed, repeat this pattern until all the broth is used… stir in 1/4 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese, 1/4 teaspoon saffron threads, 1 tablespoon of unsalted butter, and salt and pepper to taste.
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Accept that sometimes you’ll just eat yogurt or Tortilla chips or leftovers. Get mad at yourself when, in your simmering self-pity, you eat straight from the package.
4
Three reasons not to eat Chinese food Alone:
1. Chinese food requires greasy conversation. Or strenuous mental activity like studying for GRE’s.
2. Chinese food is best eaten out of Chinese food boxes. This is trashy in your own company.
3. There is always leftover Chinese food which means you will have to keep eating it alone or you will throw it out and You hates throwing out food.
