1
I cannot figure out exactly how, where and when the F and C trains cross and how to make my way out of Jay Street-Borough Hall, but every time I venture into the city by C attempting to arrive by F, I find myself deep in the heart of Park Slope, and so I suspect the tracks switch directions daily, or slither across the station when the mourning commuters aren’t watching so that we all have another reason to say “Fuck!” I wonder if the station supervisors are in cahoots or maybe the city government.
2
I couldn’t explain to the Italian how they did it. I had a date with the Italian and he agreed to lunch. I had an hour and he agreed to coffee so I took him to THE CITY BAKERY and we sat in the window. He brought me a coffee. A woman took a photo from across the street. “Why does she take this photo?” asks the Italian. I explain about the Pretzel Croissant, that brilliant buttery concoction invented at THE CITY BAKERY. Then I bought one, placed it on a paper plate in front of us, between us and the window. We were a perfect photograph then, my smiling pride with Italian by my side. Our croissant started to grow but the Italian didn’t notice because he was already bewildered by that crunchy layer of pretzel, mysteriously surrounding such a soft and buttery interior. He wondered what force of magic (baking is, after all magic!) made that thing. Maybe it was dipped in Lye?
3
I wish someone would help me understand how to catch words. Everyone else in the office seems to know how it works. I kind of understand… an agent meets a writer and agrees to handle his or her words, then the agent pitches them to a publishing house and we get a big folder, and when we open that folder the words fly out and its our job, us editorial assistants, to catch the good ones and give them a haircut. But I just get pummeled and I have to hide under my desk, but then I’m afraid my computer screen will crack so I have to stand up and let them hit me. Today I left with a black eye and a bruise on my right arm and some scratches on my leg!
4
I’m home and I’m tired now, and since it’s Friday I’m trying to eat this leftover Quiche I made but I don’t know why my Italian sundried tomatoes turned into Salami. I’m also not sure who switched the salt and the sugar but I think it was the cats. And my yogurt turned into sour cream and my bread box is full of spiders and the bottom of my freezer grew grass!
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How to Make it Through the Week – Lentil Soup
Go home, get in bed, keep the lights on but hide under your covers, take three deep breaths and drink a glass of water and then take a shower. Come out, wrap yourself up in a big fluffy towel, and reach for that big bag of brown lentils in the cupboard. In a large soup pot, heat a quarter cup of olive oil over medium heat. Add a chopped onion, two diced carrots, and cook and stir until the onion pieces are tender. Stir in two cloves of garlic, one teaspoon of dried oregano, one teaspoon of dried basil and a bay leaf. Cook for two minutes. Realize you are making something warm and delicious. Stir in two cups of lentils and add four cups of water, a cup of chicken broth and a can of crushed tomatoes. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat, and simmer for at least an hour. While your soup is simmering sit in your big, comfy chair and read The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis. If you want to stir in spinach wait until the soup is done cooking. Stir in two tablespoons of vinegar, and salt and pepper, as you like it.
